Is Your Husband Crushing You?

There are three types of men. They represent the triune Godhead: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Recognize your man isn’t the perfect image of the Godhead, only a representative of Him. If you can identify what type of leader your man is, you will know how to better meet his needs. (Most are not just one type, but a mixture. Look for the dominate style for your direction.)

The Father is in charge. No one doubts it. He has supreme authority.
The man that exemplifies this seems sufficient unto himself. He doesn’t need anyone. He can do it all. He also has no tolerance, if someone is sick or dying. If his wife shows emotions, he doesn't know what to do with that. If his wife wants to help, he tells her to back off. Give him a purpose and a project and he commands to get it done.
He rules his house the same way. He can easily crush his wife, if she doesn’t know how to respond to his demands.
He seems selfish, but he’s always right.
What is a wife to do with a man like that?
God has commanded us to be our husband’s helpmeet.
How can you help a man who doesn’t want your help? He can do it all. He doesn’t need anyone.
If you cry, you end in a puddle of tears he tells to clean up, if he notices them at all.
If you try to compete with him, you end up fighting—big time and finding he was right. And if he was wrong, the fight definitely wasn’t worth it.
If you beg for understanding, he turns his back on you.
Most fights result from you not obeying, honoring and respecting him.

How can you be his helpmeet when he needs no one?
Remember, he does need you. He needs your support. He wants you to praise his accomplishments.
He expects you to serve him. He expects you to drop everything else and do what he needs. You can’t be involved in any of your own projects that may hinder his projects.
He wants to be king.
He wants to be admired and respected by you.
You stand by him, loyal to the end.
By admiring him, he shares his fame and glory with his queen, you as you stand beside him. His victory is given meaning. He protects you.

My husband has prayed for all our boys to be leaders.
As my husband prayed for leaders, I prayed for their wives. I especially pray for my boys who show the Father’s type of leadership, because they can easily crush their wives, if they do not respond to him right.
As a mom, I have learned to back off when these boys are working on a project. I watch and offer my thanks and appreciation.
Even grown, my husband tells me these boys, now men, need my acknowledgement of a job well done. As they give an appearance of not needing me, I shy away from intruding. My husband pushes me to tell them, “they did good.”

What’s a wife to do?
He expects your service. Give it.
Learn to treat him with honor and reverence.
Make your appeals or requests without challenging his authority. My husband has told me my questions can be threatening. I’m just wanting to know, not bashing their project. He reminds me that's not what they see. I struggle with asking without challenging. My husband knows me enough to know I’m not challenging him, but my sons aren’t mature enough to realize that's what I’m doing. I need to curb my questions.

Recognize he won’t waste his time on little things. He sees the big picture. He has the greater good in mind. He can’t waste his time on small talk. He has more important issues.
My sons don’t always take leadership. If it doesn’t matter, they’re wise enough to back off and let someone else do it all. But when it matters to them, they lead.

This type of leader would rather organize the crew to clean the house than do it himself. And he would be more than happy to let you clean the entire house.

Do not try to change him, or he will leave you.

Learn to respect, praise, and admire his strengths.

If you feel crushed under your man, perhaps he is the man like the Father: in charge, goal-oriented and asking for your praise for what he does.
Do it, and find the crushing feeling lift, and the love for your man increase.

Pearl, Debi. Created To Be His Help Meet. TN: NGJ Ministries, 2004. pp. 75-93.

Displaying all 3 comments

Holley, thanks for commenting. Reminds me that I'm doing this for a reason.
I will look into changing the format to make it more readable. Can't guarantee it, sorry.

Anne, always appreciate your comments. Good reminder that our men aren't just one kind, but will show themselves differently and we must act accordingly.
Yes, time...what is that!

Mrs. Sonya,
Your articles are always very convicting and I love to read them. When I read each one I realize how much more I should be following God and helping my husband, it also helps me tremendously in raising my own son. You are a role model in my life ever since I met you guys in 2014.

(The trees in the background show through a lot into the article and make it hard to read, for me anyway.)

I don't have this kind of husband most of the time, but can see it sometimes. A great reminder that when it shows up, back up and respect and praise what he's doing.

Looks like you've put a lot of work into your blog to organize it. I'm sure it will be easier to use now, but I'm impressed that you found the time!

I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Click on book cover for details.




Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
Three Book Series



Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer

Women Working
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Work?
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
    World, But What about Her 

Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?

Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How 
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The Power of a Smile: How To 
    Make Your Husband Love You

Superwoman: Is She Believable?