Are You Dependent?

Are you co-dependent? Of course not. You won’t be enabling another to do wrong!
We think of dependent people as not very strong, and, well, dependent. Weak, lacking strength, a parasite—sapping strength from someone else.
Don’t we raise our daughters to be independent. We don’t want them to be dependent on any man in case they fail. We need something to fall back on, if things don’t work out, in case he leaves you.
We raise our children to be independent as soon as they’re babies. Make them sleep in their own beds while they cry themselves to sleep. Don’t want them dependent upon you—as if they would stay in your bed until they were adults!
We honor and elevate independence as some goal to achieve. Isn’t that good?
When our daughters do marry, they don’t trust their husbands to provide. They struggle to allow their man to protect them. The woman can do it by herself, thank you very much. Why need a man? What can a man give a woman who can do it all?
By elevating independence, we have destroyed the fibers of that marriage. Man is to cleave to his wife. How can he cleave to someone who won’t trust him? Marriage becomes a friendship, easily broken when interests change. And since she already works, what does a man give her that she can’t find elsewhere?
The world praises independent, savvy businesswomen, leaders in their community, striving to change the world, or at least bring women to the status of men.

But they fail to mention, by striving to be independent, the woman finds loneliness and lack of fulfillment. She isn’t one of the guys when they have their meetings. She is an outsider, looking for acceptance. She pushes for laws to make her fit into the man’s world. She expects, not only equal treatment, (but when she is treated like one of the guys, she doesn’t like it), but better treatment.
She fails to understand that by doing a man’s job, man isn’t going to honor her for doing a job he can do without her help. Instead of the honor she craves, she is disdained, and doesn’t understand why.
Why? God made women to be man’s helpmeet. Man has his challenges as he brings his world under his dominion.
He doesn’t bring his wife under his dominion. When he tries, he’s wrong. [That’s why a good man won’t fight a woman, even if she is doing his role.]
Instead, she works with him to help him in a way he can’t do himself. They complement and balance each other. They’re a team. She doesn’t compete for his job. She helps him do his job better. They find they couldn’t do it without each other. They grow more dependent on each other.
By helping her husband, the wife is elevated. The man sees her worth. He couldn’t do his job without her. She is treated like a queen.

This picture reflects the intimacy a couple has for each other. God says the man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife. She isn’t competing for his attention with his mother. But nor is she thinking that she can do it alone. By giving herself to him, in trust, in dependence, they become one. Not just in body, but in spirit, mind and soul. God has made it a beautiful thing.
But it doesn’t just happen.  
Because we rebelled. We wanted independence from God. We wanted His position. We wanted to be “like God.” Instead of glorifying God, we wanted the glory. Instead of depending upon Him, we wanted to do our own thing. By wanting independence, we made a rift between God and us.
Now, we must battle the sin nature, bent on being independent of God. Submitting to God is hard. Submitting to fallen man who happens to be our husband is even harder. He’s not perfect!
But that is obedience to God. And it pleases God. When we please God, He rewards us. He refines us by our submission, to make us more like Him.
How does that happen?
We can’t do it by ourselves (Remember where the independence got us the first time?) We must submit to God, which includes repenting, and allowing Him to work through us.
The longer I’m married, the more I find I don’t know how to respect.
I ask God to show me.
He does and I don’t like it. It means that more of my independence must go and I must depend upon my husband. By doing that, I find I am also depending upon God. There’s no way I could do it without Him.
What happens when I listen and obey God in what He shows me?
My husband loves me more. Our relationship deepens. Our oneness grows.

God puts us in families not just to train us to be adults. He puts us into families to mirror His trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit. Do They depend upon One Another?
Read Jesus’s prayer in the Garden before He died. He said, “Not My Will but Thine.”
He submitted to His Father.
He was dependent upon His will.
Where did it lead Him?
To the cross.

Same for you. The road is tough. You will see things about yourself you won’t like. You will want to deny what you see, and become more independent.
But when you submit to God, and what He shows you, you will feel like you’re crucifying yourself, and you are. Paul says, “I die daily.” I Corinthians 15:31.
But your relationship won’t stop at death.
The Father’s Will continued through the cross to the resurrection.
You will find victory. You find submission and dependence not just on God, but to your husband.
You will find that is where your heart is complete.
Are you dependent? It’s not for the weak. It’s how you find your strength.

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I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

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Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
Three Book Series



Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer

Women Working
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Work?
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
    World, But What about Her 

Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?

Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How 
   To Make Your Husband Love You

The Power of a Smile: How To 
    Make Your Husband Love You

Superwoman: Is She Believable?