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What Kind of a Crown Are You?

What kind of a crown are you?
My husband reminds me frequently that I am his crown.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”
Proverbs 12:4

Often we quote those verses in Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman being “like merchant ships; bring her food from afar…considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard.”
We justify working outside the home, and providing for our family.
But her achievements were done at home. She spun extra material so she had extra to sell.
She bought that field so she could provide a meal for her husband.
What was her purpose?
Look at verses 11-12 “The heart of her husband trust in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

What she does, helps him.
Her purpose was to serve her husband.
She was his crown.

The summary statements repeat that theme.
Let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:31.
She is not in the gates. Her husband is. He is known in the gates because of his wife.
What she does makes him look good.

His wife is not the doormat to be stepped on as a servant; she is her husband’s crown.
A crown is worn on the head, for all to see his accomplishments.
Nor is she a crown of thorns, piercing into her husband’s head every time he moves.
Joey reminds me that who he is, is because of what I do.
I cringe at what I know I can do to him.
He praises me for how the army men see him and know me, even though I’ve never met them.
I don’t understand it. I just pack him snacks and try not to cry in front of him when he leaves every drill weekend. He volunteers without my consent because he knows I will support his decisions.
I do what it takes for him to do what he needs.
If that means, rearranging my schedule to make sure he eats, I do it.
If that means, dealing with everything that falls apart when he’s gone, I don’t beg him to stay home next time.

Women, our emphasis is wrong when we work for our own career, dreams, or fulfillment.
The Proverbs woman didn’t do those things for herself. She did it for her husband.
We honor God by helping our husbands.
Whatever hinders or distracts me from helping him must be put away.
I am not parallel playing* with him to fulfill my needs. (*Parallel playing is when toddlers play beside each other; they don’t play together.)
When his needs are met, that is my reward.
My accomplishments may seem small—make dinner, do laundry, take care of the children.
But he can’t do his job, if he’s doing my job.

Are you home for your husband?
Early in our marriage, Joey told me he couldn’t do anything if I wasn’t home. If he was home alone, he’d wander the house trying to get focused. I don’t try to understand it.
But when he is home, I rearrange my schedule to make sure I don’t run errands. I stay at home.
He quotes studies showing when a wife dies, the husband dies within five years, but when the husband dies, the wife keeps going.
My husband needs me home. Is he an exception? Others tell him the same thing. They may not be able to tell what is wrong, but they know it is.
But you say, my husband encourages me to fulfill my dreams. Of course, he isn’t a selfish snot.
But he feels something is wrong. But doesn’t know what it is.
It’s his crown. It’s missing.
He needs it.
You provide it.

What’s your crown look like? Is everything you do supporting your husband and making him look better?  Or are you a bunch of thorns making his life in public a reflection of what you do at home? Nothing.


How do you help your husband?
 

That really tells it like it is. Our husbands are a reflection of our thinking of them, they live up to what we say and do, good or bad. A real crown or thorns. And my husband is just like yours, when he is home he wants me home. Unfortunately he is home a lot, only working part time so I often am gone one day a week when he's around, but we do try to be gone the same days as much as possible. Some men seem to do better than others about having their wives gone, but mine isn't one of them.

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I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
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               Sonya Contreras

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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