Do You Help Your Husband?

February 17, 2016
Do you help your husband?
Are you his conscience, correcting what he should be doing?
Are you his judge telling him what he’s doing wrong?
Did you marry him, only to change him?
God doesn’t need our help to act as Holy Spirit, convicting him of all his sin.
Nor are we God, Who will judge all wrong.
We are commanded to be his help-meet.
What does a help meet do?

A man had been a CPA for almost twenty years at the same firm. He grew weary. He researched, read, and built his dream. He wanted to be a dairy farmer.

How did his wife respond?
This was not what she planned. This was not what she wanted. This was not her dream.
He hadn’t told her about this when they married. This wasn’t what she agreed upon.
She expected him to give up this silly plan, and move back to the city, where she was comfortable and she knew what to expect.
That would crush his dream.

What should she do?
OPTION 1: The Bible is clear about divorce. That was not an option. He wasn’t ‘married’ to his new love—the cows. (Although with a bad attitude, the wife may think that he is.) Was disobeying God and now struggling to pay bills and feed the children on your own worth refusing to live in the country?

OPTION 2: Did she want a happy marriage? Or did she want to be a martyr, reminding him how she gave up her comforts, her desires, her life to be his wife? She’d never let him forget how miserable he made her life by this move….By constantly complaining, and feeling sorry for herself…she become what she thought about…a crabby old lady. (What Do Your Reactions Say About You.)

She may also pester her husband, so much that he gives up his dream of dairy farming. She's made both of them miserable.

OPTION 3: Or she chooses to help him live out his dream. She might even wander out to the barn and watch him…she’d wait dinner until the cows were milked…she would be his help-meet. Learn something about cows, or at least about her husband, and enjoy time with him. And maybe God will give her a love for the farm, maybe not for the cows, but for the farmer who works the farm.

How do you make that happen?
You commit to be your husband’s help-meet. You choose to know him and what he values.
Maybe he isn’t as spiritual as you are. Maybe he doesn’t even go to church.
Maybe he allows the children to watch violent television programs that you know are dangerous for them.
Maybe he disciplines the children harder than what you like to see.
Maybe your husband isn’t perfect.
That’s why God gave you.
Not to perfect him.
Not to correct him.
Not to judge him.
But to be his help meet.
His…help meet…by God’s design.
That pleases God. That gives you joy.
That’s God’s way.

Much of this article was taken from Debi Pearl's book Created To Be His Help Meet. Pleasanntville, TN: No Greater Joy Ministries, 2010.

I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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