I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Do You Like Your Husband?

My husband tells me every day he loves me. But he also tells me that he likes me. There’s a difference.
We, as women, get to nitpicking. Know where that word comes from?
Nitpicking is “the act of removing nits (the eggs of lice, generally head lice) from the host’s hair.”
The image of some monkey digging through another monkey’s head comes to mind. It doesn’t make me want to emulate their actions.
But as women, we do this to our husbands.  Nitpicking is “looking for small or unimportant errors or faults, especially in order to criticize unnecessarily. Or fussy fault-finding.”
We do it without thinking. Our husbands do something, again, that bothers us. Then we start to list all the things they do that are annoying. Soon all we can remember is how inconsiderate, insensitive and unloving they are.
After we’ve attacked everything they are and do, how can we love them, let alone like them?
Sometimes, we can fix things that bother us just by  rearranging the situation. If he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and you like it neatly squeezed from the bottom of the tube, buy two tubes. He can use his and you have yours. If he can’t walk his underwear over to the laundry basket that's by the door, move the basket where he dresses. Make it easy for him to do things that won’t annoy you.
He doesn't do it because he hates you.
He's not vindictively trying to make you angry.
He doesn’t even do it intentionally to bug you, (even without lice).
He does it without thinking. He probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it…even if you’ve told him.
He just does it.
Remember that.
We can’t change our husbands. We must accept who we’ve married and what they’ve become.
Instead, we must focus on what we like about them.
Having trouble thinking of anything?
Go back to before the wedding. What qualities did you admire? How did he treat you? What did he do to make you feel special?
Make a list. Use that list as a thank you list to God for your husband. Write a note to your husband telling him why you married him and why he is special.
Keep the list in your Bible or post it by your kitchen sink to remind you to be thankful. Rehearse those thank you's throughout the day.
Those qualities that endeared you to your husband, for example his patience, are now the very thing you dislike, he’s so patient he procrastinates. His strengths have become weaknesses to you.
Refocus on his strengths. Thank him. And thank God.
As I thank God for my husband, my list grows. I learn to appreciate his provision, his talents, his protection. That appreciation grows to help me look over those annoying things he does that bothers me.  
Growing a thankful heart will take away discontent, both for your husband and for your situation. And thankfulness is pleasing to God.
Complaining on the other hand is a sin God despises. 
You aren’t thankful as you nitpick.
Do you want to be that monkey nitpicking?
Don’t let your husband bug you.
It’s nits or thanks.
You choose.

Displaying 1 comment

It's not just with husbands that this is important. My mom told me one time (when I was an adult with children, so older) that she loved me and I told her I wished that she liked me. Never did feel she liked me, always assumed the worst of me. Yes, I did the same thing with my late husband until I FINALLY learned that it is all about the attitude we have in our heart toward our loved ones, positive or negative. It will come out in nitpicking or kindness, we can't seem to hide our real feelings. I feel very strongly that really liking someone goes farther than love in a marriage, so on the days he isn't quite as loveable, he is still likeable. How I enjoy my husband now, how I like him and love him in so many ways! I am blessed. (You mentioned your husband protecting you. This morning I watched as Bob fixed the cushions on our one couch with a cover, for the cushion tends to scoot off the end and the cover keeps one for noticing it. The other day I fell off, and now he checks it regularly for me. What love.

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Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
Three Book Series



Women's Roles
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Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
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Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
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Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
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Made To Conquer

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