Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Last week we talked about the demands the world puts upon the man to perform on Valentine’s Day, expectations they can’t hope to meet (See Valentine's Day: A Day To Love?). I spoke of telling your husband what you expect, not hoping and assuming he will know your unspoken requests. I gave the analogy men are like light switches, one look and they’re ready, whereas women are like irons, takes a while to get warmed up.

What if you don’t know what you want or how to help your husband prepare you? After all, when he asks what you want for dinner, you don’t know that either. Here’s some help.

Men seek challenges. Once they’ve mastered their challenge they move on. Sometimes they approach marriage like that: they won her now they can check that off their list of challenges and move on.

She may be his wife, but she is not mastered. A husband must continue to woo his wife all their married days. Not to gain her attention, but to meet her changing needs. (And they do change.)
Most men do want to please their wives. They are not mean ogres seeking only self-satisfaction, but are clueless as to what to do.

Here are some basics that may help prepare for intimacy. In addition to last week’s suggestions about mentally preparing your mind, and scheduling days so you can prepare mentally.

I cannot relax if I have unresolved problems floating around my head from the day. If I’m angry at a child, I can’t focus on my husband; my heart is divided. But that doesn’t mean the problem must be resolved. They are just talked about. My husband doesn’t solve the problems. He just listens.

My husband recommends the “nod” to his Soldiers. Just nod when she speaks, don’t correct or fix.

This was especially hard when I nursed; I was always listening for their cries. (Again a divided heart.)
Consider suggesting these ideas to your husband: have him brush your hair, rub your back, or massage your feet.
Sometimes all this relaxing makes me fall asleep!

Again with nursing babies or toddlers, I was constantly listening for them. Because we kept them in our bed, they were right there most of the time. When we were seeking to be intimate, the baby sensed that and interrupted. Be creative about how to stop their cries, yet keep the mood for your husband.

My husband would remind me to RELAX. I had to focus on the moment, not on what I should do tomorrow, what I needed to do afterward, what I forgot to tell him about this. Focus. (Like when you’re trying to pray and all those things barge into your mind and keep you from concentrating on God. Same thing, only this time it’s keeping you from your husband. Consider the time sacred and strive for focus.
I find it helpful to keep my eyes shut.

My husband has this father-son talk with his boys close to their wedding day about greasing their parts before entering her. Most women need the lubrication to keep from hurting. There are many choices to select, like AstroGlide, K-Y gel. (They are found with the sanitary pads and pregnancy tests in the pharmacy department.) Make sure they are approved for internal use.

If all else fails, and the iron won’t be warmed, (after all no woman follows a standard formula every time, or any time for that matter) complete the act, so your husband is not left frustrated and unfulfilled.

That act done in private reflects the status of a marriage. It takes giving and receiving. It requires work, time, priority.
My husband works in an office with beautiful women. One office manager commented that my husband got what he needed at home, because he was never crabby. That reflected what we did in private. That was a compliment to me of how well I took care of him.
When a wife gives herself to her husband, he feels empowered to take on the world.
God’s gifts used His way brings power and completeness. And a greater understanding of Who He is.

Displaying 1 comment
Displaying 1 comment

I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer

Women Working
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Work?
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
    World, But What about Her 

Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?

Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How 
   To Make Your Husband Love You

The Power of a Smile: How To 
    Make Your Husband Love You

Superwoman: Is She Believable?

Click on book cover for details.




Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
Three Book Series



Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

Receive weekly articles by giving your email address below: