Is Your Husband a Pushover?

When you married him, did you think he’d be easy to control and change?
Did you find when you did control him, you didn't like him? Have you created a hen-pecked man?

We’ve been talking about the three types of leaders that replicate the Godhead Trinity: the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Son. The Father is supreme and the man with this leadership style is commanding and demanding. The Spirit is visionary, driven by a single focus that allows discovery, invention and accomplishment. The third style of leadership replicates the Son.

No man will exemplify only one type, but will be a blend of the three, but one will dominate.
Also, because I write to women and for women, I write about being the helpmeet for your husband’s style, not fixing your husband’s weaknesses so he will love you better (although by being his help meet, he will love you better).
This was gleamed from Debi Pearl’s book Created To Be His Helpmeet.

The Son is not given to extremes. This man is content with the wife of his youth. He doesn’t expect her to perform miracles.
Often he’s taken for granted, because he is steady.
A bossy woman would interpret his cautious, slow way of leading as wishy-washy. He’s not in the front, pushing others, but he’s making the slow, steady climb for the long term.
Don’t mistake his easy-going manner as being a pushover. He has deep waters, that enable him to stand true when the storms come.
His wife's frustrations come when she becomes discontent with “his shortcomings.” This discontent and ungratefulness makes her want to control the situation and him, to manipulate them to meet her wishes.
Often women controlling this man end up with emotional problems, physical illnesses, or hormonal imbalances, because she finds she can’t change him. (His deep waters make him unchangeable.)

Just as Christ came to serve, this man is the servant. He will do anything for his wife.
How do you help this man?
Accept his leadership.
Bow to what he wants. He won’t make many conditions, but when he does listen and remember. Don’t criticize.
Honor and be thankful for him.
He brings security and stability.
When he hesitates to make a decision, it isn’t indecision; it’s cautious wisdom.
He feels deeply. His decisions influence more than the surface. He considers all the options.
Learn to wait and listen. Wait for his time, not your demands.
He doesn’t expect his woman to wait on him. He wants her to grow with him. Her achievements become his. They honor him.
It’s important for her to be self-sufficient in daily tasks. This enables him to be free to help others in service.
When he returns home, his home is the haven he needs.
How she views her husband influences how her children treat him.
If her attitude reflects dishonor, her children grow to resent her.

He is humble, never bragging about himself.
Her job is to share his status and achievements.

A steady man whose wife continues to dishonor and disrespect him may never divorce, but he becomes less confident, won’t take risks, and becomes dissatisfied with life. The image of the hen-pecked husband comes to mind. He feels like he pulls the plow alone; as he does.
The wife of this leadership style can make or break the man. She determines his confidence, his ability to take risks, his satisfaction with life.

He is always in demand outside the home. If someone needs something done, he’s willing and able to do it. If someone is hurt, wounded, or dying, he comforts.  His quiet presence brings peace and comfort.
Many look to him for direction, support, and for seeing life just as it is. Other leadership styles depend upon his leadership. The commanding, demanding man and the visionary man seek his advise. He is everyone’s friend.

Do not take him for granted.

People admire a woman who serves the domineering man without complaint. She’s a saint.
People are amazed at the woman who is joyfully married to the impulsive, visionary man with his bizarre tangents. She’s a martyr.
But people see the controlling woman married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man as the problem. He loves her, serves her, helps her and she’s still not satisfied. What a shrew!

As my husband prayed for our boys, I prayed for my boys’ wives. Some of these women will want to be controlling, and apart from God’s power working through them, they won’t submit, they will try to change my sons, making them both miserable.

Be thankful.
Appreciate him.
Wait for his direction and leadership. Don’t take control.

Did you marry a man who leads like the Son?
You’ll find a friend who’s closer than a brother, who walks you through life’s deep trials with indescribable joy.

Pearl, Debi. Created To Be His HelpMeet. Pleasantville, TN: No Greater Joy, 2004. pp.65-93.

Displaying all 3 comments

Five and a half years since this first ran have brought so many changes to my life. This "steady" man you speak of is exactly what I have now. As I read down through the article, I kept saying, "that's exactly what Bob is like," "that's Bob!" Do I ever have a treasure and I have learned so much in these almost two years of being married to him. I may not always agree with him at first, but I've learned that he shows wisdom when I rush in. You know that phase, fools rush in! I do tend to be too optimistic, "oh, it will all work out," then I see his point of view that what I'm so keen on isn't the best for me or for him. Oh, what a joy to be married to my steady, deep man who loves and treasures me as I do him. God is SO good to have brought us together.

This book by Debi Pearl has been such a help to me. I find it amazing that I never heard or saw any of what she talks about growing up, so I didn't know it for many years. VERY grateful to have found her book a few years back, has made such a difference. Glad you're sharing it so more wives will discover how really simple (and sometimes hard) it is to be a help meet. And the more we reach out to our husbands, the more they reach out to us. It's a blessing!

I write about what you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what Him.
               Sonya Contreras

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Tell of My Kingdom's Glory
Three Book Series



Women's Roles
Find other articles about women's roles here:
The Sacrifice of Obedience
Why Boys Fight? And Is that Good?
Is Your Family Different?
Created for Him reprint
Gender Differences Backed by Science
What Should Men Do? reprint
Where Are the Men? reprint
What Is Man? reprint
Man VS Woman: Making Man Act Like a Woman
Man VS Woman: Is It Eqality We Seek? reprint
How Do You See Sin?
Marriage Is a Covenant before God
Are You Precious?
What's a Mother-In-Law To Do?
A Promise Is a Promise
Happily Ever After
Point Lobos, Monterrey
Where You Go, I Will Go
Protecting Our Men
What Makes a Marriage Work?
And the Two Shall Be One
Do You Let Your Husband Love You?
An Added Resource for You
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Can You Say, "No"?
Are You Losing Your Mind?
Expect Great Things from God
The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
What Kind of a Crown Are You?
Do You Like Your Husband?
Is Your Husband a Pushover?
Did You Marry a Crazy Man? 
Is Your Husband Crushing You?
Are You Dependent?
Male vs Female: Is It Equality We Seek?
Are You a Nag?
Do You Have a Picky Eater?
A Way to a Man's Heart Is through His Stomach
Are You Challenged by Your Man's Challenges?
Happily Ever After
Are You Appreciated?
Do You Feel Loved?
Valentine's Day: A Day for Love?
Valentine's Day: Help Your Husband Out

Created for Him
Do You Help Your Husband?
Made To Conquer

Women Working
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Work?
How Much Does It Cost for Moms To Stay at Home?
Margaret Thatcher, She Changed the
    World, But What about Her 

Biblical Manhood
Find more articles about Biblical Manhood here:
What Is Man?
Where Are the Men?
What Should a Man Do?

Biblical Womanhood
Find more articles about Womanhood here:
What Is Your Choice?
Letting Him Protect
Are You a Friend?
Who Controls the Money?
The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving: How 
   To Make Your Husband Love You

The Power of a Smile: How To 
    Make Your Husband Love You

Superwoman: Is She Believable?