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Is Your Husband a Pushover?

When you married him, did you think he’d be easy to control and change?
Did you find when you did control him, you didn't like him? Have you created a hen-pecked man?

We’ve been talking about the three types of leaders that replicate the Godhead Trinity: the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Son. The Father is supreme and the man with this leadership style is commanding and demanding. The Spirit is visionary, driven by a single focus that allows discovery, invention and accomplishment. The third style of leadership replicates the Son.

No man will exemplify only one type, but will be a blend of the three, but one will dominate.
Also, because I write to women and for women, I write about being the helpmeet for your husband’s style, not fixing your husband’s weaknesses so he will love you better (although by being his help meet, he will love you better).
This was gleamed from Debi Pearl’s book Created To Be His Helpmeet.

The Son is not given to extremes. This man is content with the wife of his youth. He doesn’t expect her to perform miracles.
Often he’s taken for granted, because he is steady.
A bossy woman would interpret his cautious, slow way of leading as wishy-washy. He’s not in the front, pushing others, but he’s making the slow, steady climb for the long term.
Don’t mistake his easy-going manner as being a pushover. He has deep waters, that enable him to stand true when the storms come.
His wife's frustrations come when she becomes discontent with “his shortcomings.” This discontent and ungratefulness makes her want to control the situation and him, to manipulate them to meet her wishes.
Often women controlling this man end up with emotional problems, physical illnesses, or hormonal imbalances, because she finds she can’t change him. (His deep waters make him unchangeable.)

Just as Christ came to serve, this man is the servant. He will do anything for his wife.
How do you help this man?
Accept his leadership.
Bow to what he wants. He won’t make many conditions, but when he does listen and remember. Don’t criticize.
Honor and be thankful for him.
He brings security and stability.
When he hesitates to make a decision, it isn’t indecision; it’s cautious wisdom.
He feels deeply. His decisions influence more than the surface. He considers all the options.
Learn to wait and listen. Wait for his time, not your demands.
He doesn’t expect his woman to wait on him. He wants her to grow with him. Her achievements become his. They honor him.
It’s important for her to be self-sufficient in daily tasks. This enables him to be free to help others in service.
When he returns home, his home is the haven he needs.
How she views her husband influences how her children treat him.
If her attitude reflects dishonor, her children grow to resent her.

He is humble, never bragging about himself.
Her job is to share his status and achievements.

A steady man whose wife continues to dishonor and disrespect him may never divorce, but he becomes less confident, won’t take risks, and becomes dissatisfied with life. The image of the hen-pecked husband comes to mind. He feels like he pulls the plow alone; as he does.
The wife of this leadership style can make or break the man. She determines his confidence, his ability to take risks, his satisfaction with life.

He is always in demand outside the home. If someone needs something done, he’s willing and able to do it. If someone is hurt, wounded, or dying, he comforts.  His quiet presence brings peace and comfort.
Many look to him for direction, support, and for seeing life just as it is. Other leadership styles depend upon his leadership. The commanding, demanding man and the visionary man seek his advise. He is everyone’s friend.

Do not take him for granted.

People admire a woman who serves the domineering man without complaint. She’s a saint.
People are amazed at the woman who is joyfully married to the impulsive, visionary man with his bizarre tangents. She’s a martyr.
But people see the controlling woman married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man as the problem. He loves her, serves her, helps her and she’s still not satisfied. What a shrew!

As my husband prayed for our boys, I prayed for my boys’ wives. Some of these women will want to be controlling, and apart from God’s power working through them, they won’t submit, they will try to change my sons, making them both miserable.

Be thankful.
Appreciate him.
Wait for his direction and leadership. Don’t take control.

Did you marry a man who leads like the Son?
You’ll find a friend who’s closer than a brother, who walks you through life’s deep trials with indescribable joy.

Pearl, Debi. Created To Be His HelpMeet. Pleasantville, TN: No Greater Joy, 2004. pp.65-93.



What helps you submit when you feel rushed to demand something now?
 

This book by Debi Pearl has been such a help to me. I find it amazing that I never heard or saw any of what she talks about growing up, so I didn't know it for many years. VERY grateful to have found her book a few years back, has made such a difference. Glad you're sharing it so more wives will discover how really simple (and sometimes hard) it is to be a help meet. And the more we reach out to our husbands, the more they reach out to us. It's a blessing!

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