Is Your Husband Crushing You?

There are three types of men. They represent the triune Godhead: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Recognize your man isn’t the perfect image of the Godhead, only a representative of Him. If you can identify what type of leader your man is, you will know how to better meet his needs. (Most are not just one type, but a mixture. Look for the dominate style for your direction.)

The Father is in charge. No one doubts it. He has supreme authority.
The man that exemplifies this seems sufficient unto himself. He doesn’t need anyone. He can do it all. He also has no tolerance, if someone is sick or dying. If his wife shows emotions, he doesn't know what to do with that. If his wife wants to help, he tells her to back off. Give him a purpose and a project and he commands to get it done.
He rules his house the same way. He can easily crush his wife, if she doesn’t know how to respond to his demands.
He seems selfish, but he’s always right.
What is a wife to do with a man like that?
God has commanded us to be our husband’s helpmeet.
How can you help a man who doesn’t want your help? He can do it all. He doesn’t need anyone.
If you cry, you end in a puddle of tears he tells to clean up, if he notices them at all.
If you try to compete with him, you end up fighting—big time and finding he was right. And if he was wrong, the fight definitely wasn’t worth it.
If you beg for understanding, he turns his back on you.
Most fights result from you not obeying, honoring and respecting him.

How can you be his helpmeet when he needs no one?
Remember, he does need you. He needs your support. He wants you to praise his accomplishments.
He expects you to serve him. He expects you to drop everything else and do what he needs. You can’t be involved in any of your own projects that may hinder his projects.
He wants to be king.
He wants to be admired and respected by you.
You stand by him, loyal to the end.
By admiring him, he shares his fame and glory with his queen, you as you stand beside him. His victory is given meaning. He protects you.

My husband has prayed for all our boys to be leaders.
As my husband prayed for leaders, I prayed for their wives. I especially pray for my boys who show the Father’s type of leadership, because they can easily crush their wives, if they do not respond to him right.
As a mom, I have learned to back off when these boys are working on a project. I watch and offer my thanks and appreciation.
Even grown, my husband tells me these boys, now men, need my acknowledgement of a job well done. As they give an appearance of not needing me, I shy away from intruding. My husband pushes me to tell them, “they did good.”

What’s a wife to do?
He expects your service. Give it.
Learn to treat him with honor and reverence.
Make your appeals or requests without challenging his authority. My husband has told me my questions can be threatening. I’m just wanting to know, not bashing their project. He reminds me that's not what they see. I struggle with asking without challenging. My husband knows me enough to know I’m not challenging him, but my sons aren’t mature enough to realize that's what I’m doing. I need to curb my questions.

Recognize he won’t waste his time on little things. He sees the big picture. He has the greater good in mind. He can’t waste his time on small talk. He has more important issues.
My sons don’t always take leadership. If it doesn’t matter, they’re wise enough to back off and let someone else do it all. But when it matters to them, they lead.

This type of leader would rather organize the crew to clean the house than do it himself. And he would be more than happy to let you clean the entire house.

Do not try to change him, or he will leave you.

Learn to respect, praise, and admire his strengths.

If you feel crushed under your man, perhaps he is the man like the Father: in charge, goal-oriented and asking for your praise for what he does.
Do it, and find the crushing feeling lift, and the love for your man increase.

Pearl, Debi. Created To Be His Help Meet. TN: NGJ Ministries, 2004. pp. 75-93.

What helps can you share from your experience with a "Father" leader?

Holley, thanks for commenting. Reminds me that I'm doing this for a reason.
I will look into changing the format to make it more readable. Can't guarantee it, sorry.

Anne, always appreciate your comments. Good reminder that our men aren't just one kind, but will show themselves differently and we must act accordingly.
Yes, time...what is that!

Mrs. Sonya,
Your articles are always very convicting and I love to read them. When I read each one I realize how much more I should be following God and helping my husband, it also helps me tremendously in raising my own son. You are a role model in my life ever since I met you guys in 2014.

(The trees in the background show through a lot into the article and make it hard to read, for me anyway.)

I don't have this kind of husband most of the time, but can see it sometimes. A great reminder that when it shows up, back up and respect and praise what he's doing.

Looks like you've put a lot of work into your blog to organize it. I'm sure it will be easier to use now, but I'm impressed that you found the time!

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I write about what you---
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               Sonya Contreras

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