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Control

September 16, 2015

How much control do you hold in your hand?

The feminists really have it all wrong when they encourage women to work outside the home, act like a man, compete for man-things, and get noticed by the world.

Why?

Because a woman at home wields more control than any woman fighting the men in the workforce.

In the work force, men act like men. If they don’t like you, they tell you. And they move on.

When women entered the work force, all of the sudden laws were made about being nice at work, to avoid ‘feeling’ threatened. Men were still treating each other the same way they have always treated each other, but women had barged into the men’s world. While working with the big dogs, women are treated like a big dog. They wonder why they come away beat up.

The phrase ‘he’s wrapped around her finger’ is not said of a woman who has taken over a man's job. It is said of the woman at home who fulfills her role as help-meet, yet manages her household well.

Do we understand the power that we hold by controlling the bedroom?

Men do want to please their wife. (Much as the world wants to tell you that they are insensitive, selfish, uncaring brutes who only seek their own welfare.) But many men are clueless as to how to please their wives. They try to ‘operate’ their wives like they would their truck’s engine. They can’t. They give up if they continue to try to ‘understand’ them in that way.

My husband tells men that pleasing your wife is like controlling the cockpit of an airplane, but the controls change position and function each time you fly.

God has made women (like it or not) as emotional beings (sometimes highly emotional). Sometimes that can make us unpredictable, inconsistent, and frustrating.

Living with us is not a science, where this worked yesterday so it should work today.

Living with us is an art—some days any old splash of paint will work, but then there are those other days when a very fine-haired brush with a delicate hand may not crush the art, if you’re careful.

With that premise, let me explain how we women hold control.

Take the tough, macho, cowboy image of the man.

He stands for what is right.

He will fight any obstacle to remain true to what believes.

Now enter the woman.

She does not fight him with a sword, because he could easily crush her.

But what she fights with will kill him slowly and more decisively.

She fights him with her will and her words.

She doubts his ability to know what is right.

She excuses actions that he does not want.

She questions his decisions.

She undermines his leadership.

Man wants to please. Man’s inner self is fragile. He yields.

She has won. What is the result? She has control.

Isn’t that the curse given to Eve after the Garden of Eden? That she would want what her husband has: control. (See What is Your Choice?)

Ever wonder why Adam ate the fruit?

Eve was deceived. She believed the lie.

Adam looked at Eve and wanted to please. He ate knowing the wrong.

What does that do to a man’s insides?

He knows the truth. Maybe he tries to read the Bible with the family, but you act disinterested and tired. He concedes.

Does he have a dream, but you stifle it with why it won’t work?

Does he have goals that you crush by reminding of his past failures?

Does he want something better, but you won’t even let him try?

Women control their husbands by their words (spoken and not).

The silent treatment makes men consider their actions and repent.

Crying makes men concede and admit their wrong.

Criticism (not from the world, but from their wife) makes them wilt.

We may not do it consciously, or maybe we do…but we control.

They want to please.

Where are the strong, macho, men who stand for right?

They are dying silently, slowly, from the words of the person they trusted, they protected, and were giving their lives for.

Do you want control?

You already have it.



What reminds you of the sin of controlling?

Excellent article Sonya. So, so needed it this backwards mixed up world. Thanks for pouring your time into articles like this!

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Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.

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