Menu

alt

Picking up Acorns.


Ask me, “Why I’m picking up acorns?" I dare you.
I’ve always had them, dropping with a ping on my back deck outside my bedroom door to be heard through the night.
I love Fall. Because we don’t live where maples or beech display such beautiful fall colors, I have enjoyed the acorns falling instead.
This year the acorns are a bit on the skinny side—forecasting a slim year for coming rains.
Last year they couldn’t have been bigger. Their little coats bursting their seams, hardly holding their nutrients for that seed to grow. And the rains did come.
Even with their slimness this year, their hats barely cover the tops of nut. Were they never meant to stay on? 
They just hold them onto the tree until it was time for them to go.
Is that what mothers are for?
To hold their little packet of seeds onto the tree until it is time for them go?

“Go” the word brings tears to my eyes.
I thought I was doing good when we packed our Pod. 
I say, “the Pod holds all our belongings,” but it doesn’t. So much had to be given away or discarded.
Even at the end, when things were tight and nothing else was going to fit, I gave away my refinished dresser and stuffed my clothes in a bag that fit in a crevice in the Pod.
All our stuff that we could include in the Pod has gone on ahead of us. 
I had planned so everything would last until the very last day of escrow—had just enough of toilet paper, napkins, paper bowls, soap, even all my “essential sauces” for cooking. 

When I turned to see all the “essential” things that were kept back, things like pots and pans, (but only what we needed), plants that weren’t allowed in the Pod, chairs that didn't fit, Curtains—so we wouldn’t live in a fish-bowl for the neighbors to see, even without our dining table to eat our meals, Only enough clothes for wear every day and the wedding clothes that we would later need and must be able to find. 
There seemed like a lot left.

I must separate what the boys would need for their home, with what we must finally take in our two vehicles. 
It still looks like too much.

Could we do a test run to see what won’t fit? 
Of course, no body hears me. So I go through my things again. 

My plants don’t need to come.
I hesitate over the lilac starts. They do mean so much. 
That lilac tree that bloomed three times this spring looks dead now. It didn’t do well when we made a trip this summer. 
I trim out the dead branches and see new starts, and a flower!
Blooming in the summer. Is it my farewell?
One son volunteers to take my plants. They will make his house more cheery.
He will take good care of them. It's easier to let them go. 

I note another landscaping plant that needs extra water. I will have to remember to water that one.
I sigh.
My husband reminds me the new owner may not care to keep the plants alive.
All my watering may be for nothing.
I must remember this is not my house.
I am just a caretaker until I hand over the keys to the new owner.
I can’t resist thinking, “I hope something lives after all my work.”

Our two cats must be given a home. The trip won’t do them well.
One cat, very wild but endearing, has never intruded, only nudged gently for her food when I went to the garage.
The other cat—very demanding, must come in and out of the house at night, waking me if she thought she needed more fresh food. 
After securing the second cat in a box, where she lay down and got comfortable, we attempted boxing the wild one.  
She ripped open a taped box with her claws. After catching her three times, we caged her in the steel dog box. 
Though the trip up the mountain was short, she cried the entire time, reaffirming to me I had made the right decision not to bring her the thousand miles to our new home. 
But how do you numb the thoughts of “Bad, bad cat owner”? while the cat cries on.

But escrow didn’t close as planned. 

Each week has been an experiment on “how can I make dinner without this?”
I bought instant potatoes (thought my son was going hunting). When I came to the last of the box and it wasn’t enough for dinner, I added instant rice.
It gave a rather “cement-mortar” texture that the boys called “unique” and “maybe like grits.” But thanked me and ate it. 

And the toilet paper! I didn’t buy what I normally get. Who needs 36 rolls for one more week?
But how was I to know that all toilet paper is not made equal?
This brand was like sand paper, especially on my nose.

The days have lengthened, not only because of the season, but because there is nothing for me to do.
Escrow hasn’t closed. Each week becomes another wait and see.
The realtor labeled our escrow #10 in craziest of his 1000’s he’s sold.
Crazy or not, we wait.
We are into week four of the extended escrow.
At least we stay in our own house. The buyers have nowhere to go.

Because of the wait, I have time to pick up acorns.
I go back to my acorn picking.

They fall from the tree olive green, but as the sun kisses them with its fall heat, they turn an earthy brown. I like both colors, but know when I toast them to remove any bugs, they will all be brown or maybe olive green instead of wasabi green.
Does the color change represent growth or decay?
I’m not sure I want to know.
How does the tree live on as if nothing has changed?

Their caps crunch beneath my feet.
They lay empty, not able to hold the acorn anymore.
But they have done what they were made to do—hold that acorn to the tree until it was time for them to leave.
They are just an empty hole now, like what I feel in my heart for my acorns that are soon leaving.

The oak tree doesn’t seem to miss all these acorns falling from its tree. How does it do it?
I think about my “Good-byes” and can’t.
My German heritage lends for a quick, “Good-bye” so I can turn my head before they see my tears.
Emotions too intense for words leave words unsaid.
Can they feel all them in my hug?

I do not say good-bye to my stuff, although that was hard.
But it is my life-blood that I leave.
Two boys we leave behind. One to finish a school semester then join us in Oklahoma.
Another to start his dream of building a trucking company, but first to get experience.
They both regularly bring me chocolates and flowers.
How did they become so good to me? 

It is one thing to have your child leave for school.
It is another to leave your child.
I was always amazed how mothers were able to drop their children off in kindergarten, let alone watch them go to college.
This—
IS HARD.

I also must leave another son with his growing family.
I was just getting to know our daughter-in-law. 
I feel myself distancing from them, hoping it won't be so hard at the end.
And their little one, who grows bigger every week we see her—
She smiles when she sees me. How do you keep ahold of that?
Will she remember me after we move?
I squeeze an acorn, wishing its imprint could mold her smile into my hand.
I drop the acorn in the bucket.
I know.
It can’t.

How do you prepare yourself for leaving?

As the acorns drop around me, I cannot bare to hear another one drop.
There are too many leaving the tree!
I want to pick them all up and glue them back on!
Defy gravity. Hold on. For. Just. Another. Moment.
But they refuse to listen.

Another son, our fourth born, leaves the nest, though his independence has been felt so many times before. This time my role as mother must change.
He exchanged me as his First Lady with his wife-to-be, as he should. He marries in October. 
I already feel the loss.

I’m just throwing acorns into my bucket now, heedless of bugs and dirt.
By collecting them, can I keep them attached?

How do the acorns know when to drop off the tree?
Surely the tree couldn’t let them all go at once?
I stifle a sob and slow my picking.

I see through my teary haze a sunflower I’ve left.
Most of them I’ve chopped down early, because I must keep the place ready for final inspection. 
Dead-heading all my wild flowers seems such a waste—where will the seeds come next year if I pick off the dead, but immature seed head? 
But this sunflower, I’ve left, ugly or not.
Little finches perch upside down, pecking at the slim seeds that aren’t quite ready.
I smile.
Maybe some seeds will stay behind.
And some acrons. 

My husband would tell me that is unnatural—for the boys to leave.
The tree must make room for spring growth.
And the acorn has what it needs to make new growth.
Do my boys?
We want them to be men.
And they are.
But must it happen so fast and all at once?

I will have two sons left to help me unpack on the other side of this move.
For that, I must be grateful.

I scatter my bucket of acorns over a pan to bake on a low setting.
They will all turn brown, but will not rot or be eaten.
This year I will be careful to do it long enough.
They must last.
I may not be able to bring my dresser or my plants, but I will make room for my jar of acorns.
They represent a lot more than Fall to me. 


Displaying all 5 comments

We can’t bring ourselves to say “Good Bye “

This made we weep, and weep and weep and I feel your pain and loss. I too have felt this deep sadness. Sometimes I can't breath for the sadness of missing them all so much. How did this happen so fast? Having a new mission now that I have an empty nest, has really helped me fill the lonely hours and days. One must find meaningful work, wherever God has called you. There are so many needs out there, so many hurting people, so many lonely people. One doesn't have to look far. Joy and fulfillment comes from giving and sacrificing for others. Each day is a new opportunity. Keep writing Sonya. You are a great blessing to me and so many others!

That is one of the saddest things I've ever read, I feel it so much along with you! Our youngest marries in two days and the empty nest is already hitting hard, but this time with a double whammy. I enjoy being "alone," but how much alone can I do? I am so blessed, have so much to be thankful for, but there's still that hole. Thank you for sharing, Sonya, I've just had a good cry and am feeling better.

I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what matters...to Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Motherhood
Find other articles about motherhood
here:
What's a Mom?
Memories of a Hero Mom
They Called Her Gammy
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
Who's Responsible for the Children
The Battle for Our Children
​Dear Master of Hands
Close to Home
Reflections from a Mom
Just the Mother-In-Law
A Mom Who Knew Her Job
Letting Go of my Fourth Son
Making a House a Home
How Do I Pray?
Picking up Acorns
Changed by God
Last Times
Are You a Failure?
What To Do Now?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
What's in a Book, Anyway?
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
You Are Not Alone
A Wedding Remembered
Sunday Morning Excuses—Is It Worth It?
Stages of Parental Control
Homeschooling Myths Debunked
Seasons
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
A Day in a Mom's Life
What Talents Are You Wasting as a Mom?
What Have I Learned as a Mom?

What's in It for Me?
Adoption—The Heart of God

The Making of a Man part 4
The Making of a Man part 3
The Making of a Man part 2
The Making of a Man
Are Your Children Safe from Bullying?
Are Your Children Safe from Child-napping and Sexual Abuse?
Are Your Children Safe?
The Value of Remembering
Marjorie Rutherford: A Testimony to God's Faithfulness
Marjorie Conrad: A Testimony to God's Trustworthiness
Starting School Again
Dependence or Independence?
Breast Milk Made Especially for Your Child
What Is Essential for Babies?
My Space, My Time, My Needs
What's a Mom?
A Mother's Influence
A Mother of Boys
Prepare for the Lord: Thoughts for Moms from Exodus 19

 

Faith
Find more articles about faith here:
Dear Faithful and Loyal Readers
Life Falling Apart? Try Gratitude
A Few Words about Marriage
When Suffering Gets Personal
What an Amazing God We Serve
Response to Healthy Gaming
How Miserable Are You? Are You Happy?
The Need for Meaning Even in Pain
Reminders of What's Important
God's Unmeasurable Love
A Quarter of a Century Spent for Our Country
What Were You Thinking?
Who Are You Watching?
Boundaries for a Better Life
God's Boundaries
Memories of a Hero Mom
The Ripple Effect
How Do We Think Like Jesus
Litany of a Waiting Woman
Ever Cook a Frog?
New Year's Reminders
They Galled Her Gammy
When God Speaks
A Russian Christmas Story
Be Thankful
Be Grateful
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
  (reprint)
Laughter—Why Laugh?
Mom
Are You Disturbed?
Unity of the Brothers
Encouragements To Declutter
Do You Have Too Much Stuff?
Too Much Stress
Getting Past the Noise—The Value of Silence
Are You Scatterbrained?
How Good Are You?
Looking for Something Good To Read?
A Cup of Cold Water
I Will Trust When I Cannot See
Encouragement—What Is It?
Being in God's Presence
"Einstein and the Professor"
When God Is Silent
Do You Crave Beauty?
Using Stories to Discipline
The Danger of the Wrong Story
Using Stories to Teach Lessons
God is in charge of the future
November Dare Joy Challenge
Ungratefulness
Developing an Attitude of Gratitude
Looking for Jesus
What Do Your Prayers Reflect?
Life's Little Pleasures
Daniel—Greatly Loved by God
Take Every Thought
Jars of Clay
What Do Your Words Reveal about Your Heart?
How Do You Get Strong Faith?
Too Busy for God's Word?
How Do You Think Like Jesus?
Reflections from a Mom
Pain—What's It Good For?
Why Marry?
Consider the Robin
One Life Who Made a Difference
What Day Are You Living In?
Interrupted by God
Is Jesus Really the Answer to Everything?
Are You Beat Up?
What's Your Hurry?
Are You a Manipulator?
Are You Salty?
Are You Condemned?
Trying to Understand?
Do You Expect Answers to Your Prayers?
Do You Eat Your Stress?
Need Focus?
Going through Trouble?
Immanuel—God with Us
Looking for a Relationship?
When God Says, "No!"
What Do You Do with Left-Overs?
How Great Is Your God?
Are You Needy?
How Do You See Sin?
What Do Your Words Mean?
Is Evil Overwhelming You?
Those Aha Moments
Is Your Soul Happy?
Are You Ignored?
Looking for the God Moment
Do You Know Truth from Almost Truth?
I Believe in Jesus—What Now?
Do You Have Your "Son"-Glasses On?
Less Is More
Singing His Praise
Are You Trying To Do It All?
What Do You Do with All These Prayer Requests?
Have a Problem?
Do You Know How to Pray?
Looking for God in Every Moment
Are You Receptive to God's Blessings?
Tell the Senate: Mothers Aren't Birthing People
Is Your Life Complicated?
How Do We Fight Evil?
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Giving Up or Taking Away
the Bible is simple
Are You a Dripping Faucet?
What's Your Testimony?
The Final Move
Be Careful What You Wish For!
Are Your Prayers Answered?
I Choose Joy
What Have You Learned from Your Hardship?
Who Are You Trying to Change?
What's Your Five-Year Plan?
The Danger of "Aloneness"
My Colors
Are You a Whiner?
Are Your Works Approved?
Do You Think You're Stressed?
Is Your Soul Feeling Ragged?
God Speaks to the Heart of the King
What about the Details?
Have You Felt the Long-Suffering of God?
How Does God Lead You?
Do You Have Enough?
Don't Carry More than You Need
Cast the Seed
God Is Faithful
Are You Deceived?
Are You Essential?
Are You Safe?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
Does the World Make Sense?
Have You Seen God's Majesty?
Do You Feel Judged?
If You Only Had One More Day To Live
Are You Understood?
Do You Long for the Word of God?
Slow Down and Smell the Dead Leaves
Are You Hospitable?
Our Heritage Is Bought by Blood
Are You Disturbed?
Are You Depressed?
I Did It My Way
Finding the Simple Life with Meaning
The Simple Life
Do You Have the Right Words?
Did Your Dream Die?
On the Other Side of the Fence
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
Saving for Tomorrow
A Wedding Remembered
Who Will Stand in the Gap?
Are You a Protector or a Ruler?
Who Are You?
Are You an Image Bearer or a Wad of Cells?
Are You a Watchman?
Where Do You Find Meaning?
The Lamb of God as Told by a Scribe
What Love Is This?
Remember: The Symbols of Passover Explained
Tea and Rest
Do You Have Peace?
What Makes a Marriage Work?
When Life Is Awful
Are You Strong Enough?
Rules
Seasons
Be Faithful through Suffering
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Are You Spit in God's Mouth?
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Do You Stand Against Satan Himself?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
What in the World Is Happening?
It's Not My Story
How Would Your Faith Compare?
Are You Sinking?
Are You a Rule Follower?
Useful for Him
An Intimate Moment with Mary
The Worldview that Makes the
   Underclass

Thoughts to Ponder
What Does It Take To Know the
    Heart of God?

See the Story in the Stars
Do the Scriptures Burn You?
Being in His Presence
Contentment: It's Not for the Timid
How Secure Are You?
How Do You Respond To Stupid People?
The Earthworm Is My Hero
Heart Issues or Issues of the Heart
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
More faith articles are found here:
alt
under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Or here:
alt
under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Articles on Suffering can be found  here, 
alt
under Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Special Days
Remember: The Symbols of 
   Passover Explained
    

Aug 12, 2017 The Heavens Declare the Glory of God
July 4th, Freedom
What Is an American Soldier?
Valentine's Day: A Day of Love?
Memorial Day-A Day To Remember
Veterans' Day-To Honor Our Men
Fall Colors
First Thanksgiving Day
    Proclamation

Christmas: Stories behind the Songs
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs, part 2

Author of Biblical fiction, married to my best friend, and challenged by eight sons’ growing pains as I write about what matters.