Are You a Manipulator?

That sounds rather strong and offensive.
Let’s try, shrewd—doesn’t the Bible tell us to be shrewd?

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16. 

Manipulation is used because WE MUST BE IN CONTROL.
It doesn’t keep us innocent. We aren’t shrewd.
We are disobedient.
Yet justify our action.

Are rules for the “other guy” but not for you?
Driving across country, we’ve experienced unique drivers. 
In Texas, when the highway backs up, people 4-wheel across the grass to the frontage road and keep going. 
This isn’t just one random driver, but multiple drivers. 
We watch them do it! Maybe that’s why there’s a frontage road?
I don’t know their reasons for acting as they do. Perhaps they’re having a baby and must get to the hospital, or their house is on fire and must get home. But it seems to warrant their speedy exit from the highway.

Who drives the speed limit? 
One son once said, “The speed limit is merely a suggestion.”  
Do those police, who make their money on fast drivers, think the same?

Another son once said of me, “Mom doesn’t break rules; she bends the rules to make them work.” 
We all rationalize our rule-breaking.
When the rules are man-made, we question their rationale, and weigh consequences.
But what about God’s rules?

We want God to make exceptions when we transgress.
A believer marries an unbeliever. 
God said it doesn’t work.
Yet we try. 
Consequences of disobedience come.
Women tell me their heartaches. They knew when they married that he was unsaved, but they thought they knew better than God....
The consequences are a sign of God's faithfulness.
What God says, happens.

What about honoring our parents?
We are all about honor when we are the parents. 
But what about when we are the grown-up child?
I watch my sister care for my mom who has dementia. 
She allows mom to decide if she drinks coffee, even if it’s late in the evening and she knows mom will then be up all night—and so will she. 
My sister could justify manipulating the situation, after all, my mom isn't thinking clearly, so that she can sleep through the night, but she honors mom. 
The consequences of honoring seem high—she will be up all night and have to work the next day.

Mom wants to give her cat milk. Milk makes her cat vomit everywhere. My sister will step through it to help my mom, then have to clean it up.
Her carpet is ruined by the cats. 
My sister allows mom to give her cat milk, rather than manipulate the situation.
She obeys the principle of honoring mom—to her own hurt.
It looks like she is getting the raw deal. 
The consequences of obedience seem too hard. 
But the situation isn’t over.
And God sees her sacrifice of obedience. And it is a sacrifice.
God does remember.
God is faithful.

God gives parents control of their children.
Consider a social worker’s job. Often they remove children from their parents’ care. From the outside they’re the hero.
Wasn’t that child suffering?
The parents’ neglect or abuse demanded such treatment. 

What would happen if the church helped those parents be better parents (and prayed earnestly for their salvation), instead of the state taking the children away from their parents? 
(This would require extensive counseling, discipleship and time in prayer and God's help. This would also require us to change the way we think.)

Taking the child out of the home goes against God’s rules for family.
God gave parents ultimate control.
We say, “This is an exception. We know better.” 
But does God give exceptions to His rules?

Allowing the government to have anything—Look at how well they use our money— doesn’t fix the problem, it creates bigger problems. 
Why should we trust the government with our children?
Look at our education. 
We’ve given the state our children, then are surprised our children are socialists.
Hitler knew this. He took the children.
Ukraine immigrants, who hid in the woods to worship God, do not separate their children during the church service for children’s church. They see this as an act of removing their parental control.
How much do we manipulate God’s commands to serve our own needs? 

I’ve seen where a boyfriend has “rescued” a girl from an abusive situation, only to find the girl wasn’t so innocent.
By his manipulation, he got what he wanted by dishonoring her parents.
He isolated her from her family—not a good foundation for any marriage.
They seemed to have a happy marriage.
“Everything’s fine.”
But God’s rules can’t be ignored.
Time brings consequences.
The marriage ended in divorce, but not before bringing children to suffer too. 
The damsel is now on drugs. 
The boy went to prison for something. 
Maybe her parents did know what was best.

I've written before about wives submitting to their husbands. The Bible is clear.
It doesn't give conditions or qualifiers like, "Only if your husband is right."
When wives lead, because their husband's aren't,  they justify their position, but they are not right.
It's easier for me to do something and ask for my husband's forgiveness, rather than ask him first—because I know he'd tell me to wait.
Those are manipulations. And Disrespect.
And Disobedience.

We all manipulate God’s rules to fit what we want.
We’re good justifiers. 
We think it’s good.
Another word for manipulator is deceiver.
We deceive ourselves.
That’s why the Bible says, 

The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick, Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8-9. 

That’s why we must be in God’s Word—to know truth. 
—To keep from being deceived by our own desires.

God’s Spirit shows us we are deceiving ourselves, justifying wrong, manipulating the situation to get our own way.
But we must be listening to hear Him.

I don’t like the consequences of disobeying God’s rules.
I suffer.
Nor do I want my boys to suffer for my disobedience.

When one of our boys had extensive trouble following my rules, I would tell him, “Rules are for your—”, then wait for him to complete the sentence, “protection.”
God’s principles protect us.
They protect us from hurt we can’t even imagine.
When we disobey, we suffer.
Why?
Because God is faithful.
His Words are true and right.
That faithfulness is what I hang on to when God says, “I am His child.”
But that same faithfulness is what I must cling to when I disobey.
Because God is faithful, His Word is true, Then He must discipline.
What God says will happen.

God is preparing me for Him.
That manipulator in me—that justifies wrong and deceives—must be rooted out and destroyed. 
That attitude of getting my way must be destroyed.
Only God can do it. 
Because I would rationalize even that.

Are you a manipulator?
Admit it—you are.
The second step is to confess and allow God to control every step of your life, even when you’re tempted to manipulate His rules “to make things work better.”

God’s faithfulness—a curse or a cure?
Depends on whether you continue to be a manipulator or allow God to control.

I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what matters...to Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Faith
Find more articles about faith here:
The Need for Meaning Even in Pain
Reminders of What's Important
God's Unmeasurable Love
A Quarter of a Century Spent for Our Country
What Were You Thinking?
Who Are You Watching?
Boundaries for a Better Life
God's Boundaries
Memories of a Hero Mom
The Ripple Effect
How Do We Think Like Jesus
Litany of a Waiting Woman
Ever Cook a Frog?
New Year's Reminders
They Galled Her Gammy
When God Speaks
A Russian Christmas Story
Be Thankful
Be Grateful
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
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Laughter—Why Laugh?
Mom
Are You Disturbed?
Unity of the Brothers
Encouragements To Declutter
Do You Have Too Much Stuff?
Too Much Stress
Getting Past the Noise—The Value of Silence
Are You Scatterbrained?
How Good Are You?
Looking for Something Good To Read?
A Cup of Cold Water
I Will Trust When I Cannot See
Encouragement—What Is It?
Being in God's Presence
"Einstein and the Professor"
When God Is Silent
Do You Crave Beauty?
Using Stories to Discipline
The Danger of the Wrong Story
Using Stories to Teach Lessons
God is in charge of the future
November Dare Joy Challenge
Ungratefulness
Developing an Attitude of Gratitude
Looking for Jesus
What Do Your Prayers Reflect?
Life's Little Pleasures
Daniel—Greatly Loved by God
Take Every Thought
Jars of Clay
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How Do You Think Like Jesus?
Reflections from a Mom
Pain—What's It Good For?
Why Marry?
Consider the Robin
One Life Who Made a Difference
What Day Are You Living In?
Interrupted by God
Is Jesus Really the Answer to Everything?
Are You Beat Up?
What's Your Hurry?
Are You a Manipulator?
Are You Salty?
Are You Condemned?
Trying to Understand?
Do You Expect Answers to Your Prayers?
Do You Eat Your Stress?
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Going through Trouble?
Immanuel—God with Us
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When God Says, "No!"
What Do You Do with Left-Overs?
How Great Is Your God?
Are You Needy?
How Do You See Sin?
What Do Your Words Mean?
Is Evil Overwhelming You?
Those Aha Moments
Is Your Soul Happy?
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Looking for the God Moment
Do You Know Truth from Almost Truth?
I Believe in Jesus—What Now?
Do You Have Your "Son"-Glasses On?
Less Is More
Singing His Praise
Are You Trying To Do It All?
What Do You Do with All These Prayer Requests?
Have a Problem?
Do You Know How to Pray?
Looking for God in Every Moment
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Is Your Life Complicated?
How Do We Fight Evil?
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Giving Up or Taking Away
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Are You a Dripping Faucet?
What's Your Testimony?
The Final Move
Be Careful What You Wish For!
Are Your Prayers Answered?
I Choose Joy
What Have You Learned from Your Hardship?
Who Are You Trying to Change?
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The Danger of "Aloneness"
My Colors
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Are Your Works Approved?
Do You Think You're Stressed?
Is Your Soul Feeling Ragged?
God Speaks to the Heart of the King
What about the Details?
Have You Felt the Long-Suffering of God?
How Does God Lead You?
Do You Have Enough?
Don't Carry More than You Need
Cast the Seed
God Is Faithful
Are You Deceived?
Are You Essential?
Are You Safe?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
Does the World Make Sense?
Have You Seen God's Majesty?
Do You Feel Judged?
If You Only Had One More Day To Live
Are You Understood?
Do You Long for the Word of God?
Slow Down and Smell the Dead Leaves
Are You Hospitable?
Our Heritage Is Bought by Blood
Are You Disturbed?
Are You Depressed?
I Did It My Way
Finding the Simple Life with Meaning
The Simple Life
Do You Have the Right Words?
Did Your Dream Die?
On the Other Side of the Fence
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
Saving for Tomorrow
A Wedding Remembered
Who Will Stand in the Gap?
Are You a Protector or a Ruler?
Who Are You?
Are You an Image Bearer or a Wad of Cells?
Are You a Watchman?
Where Do You Find Meaning?
The Lamb of God as Told by a Scribe
What Love Is This?
Remember: The Symbols of Passover Explained
Tea and Rest
Do You Have Peace?
What Makes a Marriage Work?
When Life Is Awful
Are You Strong Enough?
Rules
Seasons
Be Faithful through Suffering
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Are You Spit in God's Mouth?
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Do You Stand Against Satan Himself?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
What in the World Is Happening?
It's Not My Story
How Would Your Faith Compare?
Are You Sinking?
Are You a Rule Follower?
Useful for Him
An Intimate Moment with Mary
The Worldview that Makes the
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Thoughts to Ponder
What Does It Take To Know the
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See the Story in the Stars
Do the Scriptures Burn You?
Being in His Presence
Contentment: It's Not for the Timid
How Secure Are You?
How Do You Respond To Stupid People?
The Earthworm Is My Hero
Heart Issues or Issues of the Heart
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
More faith articles are found here:

under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Or here:

under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Articles on Suffering can be found  here, 

under Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Special Days
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Aug 12, 2017 The Heavens Declare the Glory of God
July 4th, Freedom
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Valentine's Day: A Day of Love?
Memorial Day-A Day To Remember
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Fall Colors
First Thanksgiving Day
    Proclamation
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs, part 2