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The Why's of Life

As women we ask, “Why?” Not as an engineer would ask, to find out how something worked, but we ask to find out why someone acted. Even if we are introverts, we want to what someone did and why. That’s why we make good busy-bodies.
That’s a good thing. Because we often can see how to help someone, sometimes before they know they need it.
But it’s also a bad thing. Because that questioning can easily lead to, well, being a busybody.
It can also make it hard to trust God when the why’s aren’t explained.

We apply that “why” to many things.
With child training:

Why did my son just do that?
Asking that question can only lead to your frustration….like when I asked my six year old why he threw wet toilet paper on my bathroom ceiling. They made great spit balls. How did he know they would do that? Boys don’t know why they do it, they just do it. Most of the time, without thinking.
When I finally learned that concept and stopped asking them “why?” I did better.

With marital bliss
Why does my husband do that? (Sounds like an adult version of the above problem.)
When I finally acknowledged men think differently than women, I stopped asking why.
Instead I accepted my husband for who he was—man. And stopped wishing him to change and be like me—woman.

He doesn’t have to explain why he does what he does. Many of those things makes him a good provider, protector, king. That’s how God made him. He doesn’t know why. He just is.
That gave us roles. That helped me to be his helpmeet.  That helped our relationship.

For health issues
Let’s face it, as women, we are hormonal.
We want to be stable: to be the same today as we were yesterday, but that doesn’t happen.
What I could have handled yesterday with ease, today turns into a sobbing mess.
We ask our question “why” and want it solved.
We turn to doctors and tests seeking to know why we just can’t get it together, why we’re depressed, why we have pain, why….
I am not belittling doctors, (I don’t like doctors; I love my husband in spite of his profession, not because of it.) But doctors have their part in life.
When there are problems, see if there is a physical cause—hormone imbalance, thyroid problem, anemia….
Take vitamins, stress B, B12, iron, a multiple, so you can face the problems of life.
Get sleep. (I know, how?)
Exercise. Get outside in the fresh air.
Do the physical things that will help you.

We want to know why. If we know the cause, we think we’d feel better. The solution could be medicine or vitamins.
But what happens when the doctors find no cause? Or the treatment doesn’t take away all pain, or you still have bad days, and you still sob when someone spills the milk?

What should you do?
Some people spend their lifetimes searching for the doctor that can solve their problems.

Remember the women who touched Jesus. After 12 years of bleeding, (that’s a lot of years she was weak, and wondering why). She had spent all her husband’s money trying to find out why. It was a physical problem. It wasn’t normal to bleed all the time. She didn’t stop asking why.
And I’m not telling you to stop asking why.
But she was going to the wrong person with her question.
Maybe you are, too.
If you have tried medicine, and your problem isn’t solved, or isn’t even found, then your problem may not be physical.
There’s more to a woman (or man) than just physical.
Nor am I suggesting there’s something wrong with your head, although that may also be.
But many discount the spiritual aspect of life. When you do, you lose a dimension vital to the solution.
We battle evil. Satan wars with God to hinder God’s plan. We are in the middle of that. Satan uses us to destroy what God wants. He wants control. That is one factor in the unexplained why.
When I had little ones, I’d be frustrated over the messy house, the lack of sleep, the inability to do what I thought should be done.
What was wrong with me?
The answer was control.
I wanted control. When I didn’t control my house’s cleanness or the list I had to check off, I was frustrated and angry.
When I thought I should have or do something, but couldn’t I’d become angry.

When I learned to give up control, throw out my list, and thank God for what He allowed, messy house and all, I started to learn contentment.
The opposite of control is not lack of control. It’s dependence.

Dependence on God’s schedule, God’s priorities, and God’s wishes for the day.
My focus became what He wanted.
When interruptions came (sickness, spilled milk, an unexpected problem: a killed pig, a lost cow, a snake in the chicken coop), they didn’t frustrate or anger me. That was what I was supposed to do.
Even though I don’t have any toddlers anymore to interrupt my clean house, I must still re-learn dependence upon God.
It’s easy to question why again. Since I have more time, shouldn’t I be able to…?
But interruptions are my life.
The only way I keep that perspective is by giving control to God, every day, every moment.
Things outside my control aren’t outside His control.

No one likes to be dependent upon another, that was the rebellion of the first sin—being independent of God.
It covers a lot of whys.
Those whys that use to frustrate me now have a reason found in God’s plan.
Problems are meant to draw my focus back to God.
Jeremiah was told to go to the potter's house. The vessel that the potter was making was spoiled, so he remade it, as it pleased the potter to make.
God said, "like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand."
God allowed calamity to the nation of Israel.
What was their response? "Each of us will act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart."
We forget He is the Potter, we're just a dirt wad in His hand to be formed as He sees fit. Jeremiah 18:1-12.
That doesn’t mean my days are always sunshine and joy.
I still wake up and feel off the entire day, or wonder why I’m so crabby, or wish…but when I remember God is in control. I don’t have to worry about what the boys or husband do, or about how I feel, or about what happens, or....
I don’t know all the why’s, but I do know Who does.

He holds me in His Hands. He wants to form me as it pleases Him. 
He knows the whys, and that is all I need to know.



What do you have trouble giving over to God?
 

You are so right, we try so hard to control our lives and then things happen to make us realize how very little control we actually have. At that point we can get angry and frustrated or turn it over to God. You made me realize why I got angry just today over a situation, it was because I was mad at what was happening and I couldn't do a thing about it. Thanks again for your great articles, they always hit the nail right on the head.

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I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what matters...to Him.
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